Having a random hookup so left but love u
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
