So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
