dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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