My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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