Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
is that a dick in a sweater?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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