It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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