We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
