don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
