I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
