1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
