Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
