i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
