I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
