Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
