Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I think I have vodka in my lungs
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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