I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Shame - the story of my life.
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