someone threw a dead crab at me
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
