You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize