Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
