Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
