just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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