i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
