WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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