Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
