first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
