Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
