I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
