I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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