It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
