I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize