wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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