Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
