Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
