I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
