If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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