when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
