ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
