My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
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any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
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You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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