also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
