I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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