My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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