spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My dick has a subreddit
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
