There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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