Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
