Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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