hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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