I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
worst night to have a conscience
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
When are your genitals available?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
