i jhust puked up my retainher.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
