Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
