Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
