ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
that may or may not have been my penis.
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