Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
