My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
