She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
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I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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