I feel great
I just peed on a car
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you would pick up someone in the library
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Randomize
