4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
