I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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