FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
