ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
