Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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