saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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