there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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