Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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