Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Mom said you looked used
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
