Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
