just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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