so explain again why im purple
no
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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